Masturbation, Ejaculation and What I’m Gushing to Tell You: Part 2
Enter my first adult orgasm with a partner…
I learned more about my body, my pleasure, my desires, my boundaries, and my orgasms than I ever thought possible. The ultimate, though, was being able to ejaculate for the first time ever!
It all began with a now-typical interaction of her pressing me up against the wall, kissing my neck and thrusting her hips into mine, trying to find the button to undo my pants to get to the treasures inside. She seductively went down on me while I was sitting on a counter-top in the bathroom and I started to fuck her face. She started to finger me in such a way and I could feel something building up-but it wasn’t the typical onset of an orgasm…it felt VERY different. She kept thrusting her fingers inside me curling them slightly and putting pressure on my vulva as she went in and out. After a few minutes of this, she began going faster and faster until boom! Liquid began to trickle out of me and I felt this sense of intense pressure that was building in my vagina release like I’m peeing, but without all the liquid.
What an incredibly embarrassing thing to happen to a sexually experimenting young lady. As a result, I went into an especially shameful shut down. I had grown up with a serious bedwetting affliction where I was severely punished when I didn’t make it to the toilet at night. The ejaculation, maybe because of the element of surprise, caused me to relate this amazingly great thing my body just did to my childhood bedwetting trauma. I felt immense guilt and shame around uncontrollably expelling a fluid from my body in an in-proper place. Talk about a buzz-kill.
However, my partner was ecstatic (otherwise the guilty feelings might have been even worse) and expressed a plethora of gratitude for being able to execute such a feat as this was her first experience with ejaculaltion as well. I felt way too much shame around the incident and actually never let it happen again until I was 31 years old and took a step in the direction of loving my body for all that it was capable of. Still, at 37 years old now, I cannot squirt on command and I still have a little bit of shame come up after an ejaculation episode but I’ll always be so thankful for this first time experience. The body-awareness it provided continues to create awe in me because of all the extraordinary and remarkable things my body could do.
Here I am, 19 years old and freshly into this erotic lesbian adventure with my best friend. It was strangely passionate,so secretive, and now wet!. We told no one of our physical relationship and totally got away with a full blown closeted, somewhat confusing, affair. We were sleeping in the same bed, I was living with her at her parent’s house in the summer, attending all of the family events and vacations and there were no questions asked-I mean hey, I was the best friend.
Other people outside of the family asked a lot of questions, especially my circle of people. I was flat out confronted by my housemate (other best friend) about the nature of our relationship. She approached me in private after a long weekend visit from my partner saying, “April, I know. You don’t have to hide anything from me, anymore. It’s OK. I love you no matter who you’re with. Just tell me the truth.”
Amy and April chat with Susan Bratton about one of their favorite squirting toys, the Njoy Pure Wand, as well as the waterproof blanket, the Liberator Fascinator Throw
I never did. I denied any and all associations with being gay or having a sexual relationship with a woman. I wasn’t ashamed or scared of judgment, I was convinced that my partner would be disowned by her conservative family and cut off from the cash flood that she consistently received. She was a “starving artist” for Christ’s sake and needed her parent’s assistance. Plus, I think the secret nature of our hookups contributed a huge amount to the desire we shared for each other. When I finally decided to share the secret with my mom - I made it to my late 20’s - she was initially shocked, but since I was already out of the house at college, she blew it off as a “phase.” Her parents, true to their very conservative nature, didn’t take it as well as I recall. Currently, however, she’s completely out of the closet and openly gay...with very accepting parents! Thank God for the ways our parents deal with things, whatever that is.
While it lustily and covertly lasted, our sexual relationship was pretty exciting. She was the giver and therefore the more masculine side of our partnership. She knew exactly how to please me and would ask questions about what I liked and what felt good always trying new techniques to get the best orgasm out of me. I would do the same with her, learning the ways to move my head when giving her oral, figuring out how to angle my fingers when inside of her so she would twitch with pleasure. We never used toys or any apparatus to help us the bedroom either. At 19 and 22, we didn’t even know toys were out there and could help us. We were so into our the ecstasy we were providing each other that we could be at a raging party, stare at each other from across the room, give each other a nod, and stop mid-conversation to run to the bathroom and ravage each other.
My lesbian love affair lasted for quite some time and it wasn’t until we decided we would start hooking up with dudes that I figured out I actually really missed penises. Our decision was based mostly on distance as weren’t able to get together regularly after a summer of living in the same house. Because we lived so far apart (she was studying art at a University eight hours away) and we didn’t want folks to assume we were gay, we would hookup with guys from time to time.
The time-to-time turned into more guys and a difficult decision to stay that course. This definitely broke her heart at the time and looking back, that difficulty arose from starting the whole darn thing in the first place. Call it inevitable if you will. But, and this is a place where “time heals all wounds” plays well. We’ve managed to get to a good place with each other; so much that she’s reached-out recently for advice on exploring a poly relationship.
Looking back on this and the time between, the things I learned about my body and desire definitely contributed to what I am as a sexual being today. As a hetero-flexible vulva-owner, I prefer full-time penis-owner play and relationship, with the occasional sprinkle, from time-to-time, of some vulva play, to scratch that itch. What might possibly be the longest-lasting learning as a result of this early-life frolicking, is how to get to my G-Spot and to get it to react in the wet-and-juicy and oh so satisfying way. I know my body well, as I’m not the shy type as you’ve likely heard on our show, I’m well-versed in the ability to direct a giver to the correct place, the best technique, the most erotic speed and pressure, and the appropriate dirty talk and conscious responses that keeps the giver motivated!
Questions to ponder in the comments:
What are your extra-relational, same-sex hookups that were meaningful?
What ramifications did they have to later life relationships? How were those ramifications differ from April’s?
Would you have reacted differently when questioned by your other best friend had you been in the same situation?
Would you have told your parents sooner?
Tell us about your experience (or lack of) with female ejaculation. Everyone’s different.
